


The Sight

by IvanW



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Gay Sex, Love, M/M, Parent Jim, Psychic Abilities, Romance, Seer, Sexual Content, Visions, paranormal elements
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2019-05-14 13:58:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14770916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvanW/pseuds/IvanW
Summary: Through his grandmother's secret unknown bloodline, Jim has visions of the future. These visions are rarely pleasant. His latest visions involve his former lover, Carol Marcus, and their son, David. Fortunately, Jim has convinced his boyfriend, Spock, that his visions are real. This offers Jim some comfort that someone other than his mother believes and trusts him. Carol does not. And soon, Jim’s visions of terror come true.





	1. Chapter 1

When Jim was a small boy he sometimes spent time with his gran, his father’s mother. He didn’t get to spend a lot of time with her but when he did, Jim always loved it.

At one time, according to Gran, she and Grandad had owned the farmhouse in Riverside, but they’d passed it on to George and Winona when they’d first got married.

Gran and Grandad had moved to a condominium in Chicago. By the time Jim used to visit Gran, it was only her, as Grandad had passed on right after Sam was born.

Jim was six and Sam nine when they got to spent the winter holidays with Gran. Mom had to be off planet at a space station that had required her engineering expertise for an extended period, including over the holidays, and it had been, mercifully, before Frank had entered their lives.

Jim had never been a good sleeper, even as a small boy, and he had gotten up in the middle of the night, three nights before Christmas, to find Gran rocking in her chair and sipping brandy. He’d crawled into her lap and she spun a tale for him.

“You know, Jimmy, our family has the gift.”

“The gift?”

“Auyuh. The intuition.”

“In-ta-wishing.”

Gran chuckled. “Close enough, Jimmy. You can also call it the sight.”

“Everybody sees, don’t they?”

“Not that kind of sight. This is the ability to see what’s going to happen in the future.”

Jim frowned. He wasn’t sure what Gran was talking about.

“For example, I knew when your grandad was going to have a heart attack and pass on from this life. I foresaw it. And I knew your daddy wasn’t ever coming back from his last mission on the Kelvin.” She shook her head sadly. “But here’s the thing, now, Jimmy. Not all of us have it.”

“We don’t?”

“It can skip some people, some generations. Your daddy, Lord Rest him, didn’t have it. I used to ask him once in a while. But he never did have it. But you.” And she thumped him lightly on the chest. “You might have it.”

“Yeah?” Jim really had no clue what “it” was but the way Gran talked about it, it sounded cool.

Back then, when Gran told him, Jim hadn’t understood. He just knew he loved spending time with her and he loved that holiday time. It was his favorite ever.

And after she passed away and Jim remembered her words, he dismissed them as a story to tell a boy who couldn’t sleep.

When Jim got into the Academy, he began to experience moments he couldn’t quite explain. Like that night, after talking with Pike, Jim had gotten the absolute sense, conviction even, that he would meet someone who would become immensely important to him that next day.

And he had.  _Bones_.

It was just little things like that at first. Easily dismissed.

But then he’d had a couple onboard the Enterprise right after he’d made captain. One where he died saving Spock. One where Spock died because Jim hadn’t been there. He’d been able to stop them, both of them.

It didn’t always work. He hadn’t foreseen Spock almost dying in the Volcano. And he hadn’t really known Marcus was going to betray them until it was far too late. But he had seen his own death saving the ship and he had let that one happen anyway.

Bones saved it, luckily.

Jim kept the visions to himself. They came in dreams, mostly. Sometimes day dreams where he seemed to go totally out of himself until the vision was over, as he had the day he’d seen his own death when he stood on the observation deck.

He expected anyone he told wouldn’t believe him. Once back in the academy he’d mentioned it in passing to Bones.

“Premonitions, Jim? Don’t tell me you believe in that hokey nonsense?”

And so he’d dropped it and never mentioned it to Bones or anyone again.

He even recalled that day when he was six, Gran saying,

_“Now, Jimmy, there’s no point in telling most people what you’ve seen. They won’t believe you because they can’t. It’s just not in them. And it’s hard to keep stuff like that to yourself, especially when you want to change the outcome.”_

And he could sometimes, like with himself and Spock that time during that one planetary mission. But sometimes, like with Khan, things were meant to happen, and Jim was finding out which visions could be changed and which could not.

Back when Carol Marcus was on the Enterprise, Jim had dreamt that the two of them had created a son together, whom Carol would name David. The very next day she had come to him and said their affair, which had ended a couple of weeks earlier after going hot and heavy for two and a half months, had ended up with her being pregnant. She’d left the Enterprise to work at HQ in San Francisco and Jim hadn’t been at all surprised when she’d named their son, David.

At the time, Jim had offered to marry her, certainly out of a sense of obligation, but also to numb his own pain over the continuing relationship of Spock and Uhura. Jim had it bad for Spock, probably would until the end of time, but Spock was with Uhura, and there was not a thing he could do about it but go on with his own life.

Carol, wisely, told Jim no. She was an independent woman completely capable of taking care of herself and a child without the old-fashioned notion that she had to have a husband. They were not in love and her son would be her number one priority.

And David had been. Carol was a great mother. Jim spoke to David whenever he could, not often, really, and life went on. In fact, David had been one of the reasons he had considered taking the vice admiral position on Yorktown. To have a more normal life with his son.

But then, directly after the events of Yorktown, Jim had another vision, and he’d chosen to retain command of the Enterprise.

And now, in only two weeks, the Enterprise would return to exploring. Only the final touches remained before they would be going out on their trial run.

For a time, Jim had remained on Yorktown, making sure that the new Enterprise was built to his specific requirements. But there came a time when he was no longer needed and so he’d gone to Earth for the remainder of his official leave.

Bones had gone to Georgia to visit with his daughter. Sulu had stayed on Yorktown with his daughter and husband. Jaylah was attending the Academy. Jim wasn’t really sure what happened to Scotty. Spock and Uhura went to New Vulcan together, probably to bond, Jim figured.

And Jim had gone to Winona. It had been a long time since he’d been back to Riverside. She was back there, in their house, after finally kicking Frank to the curb, and after she took retirement from Starfleet.

Next week, Jim would return to Yorktown with a week to go before relaunch, to, once again, make sure everything was in order. But he had a week left and he would make good use of it.

Jim had been on his way to San Francisco to pick up David for a visit with him and his mom, Carol had agreed to give them a week, when Jim had received word that Pavel Chekov had been killed in Russia, crushed by his own hover car.

The night before he’d had a dream about Chekov, one where he was injured in an away mission, and then the next day, Jim learned he was dead. Whether his dream had been some sort of foreboding, Jim didn’t know. He only knew that his Russian whiz kid was gone and he’d never hear him say, “Keptin” again.

He’d stood in the front area next to the door of the farmhouse doing nothing for a long time.

His mother touched his arm. “Jim, what’s wrong, sweetie? I thought you were ready to take the shuttle to pick up David?”

“Yeah.” Jim licked his lips. “In a second.”

“Honey, you look like you’ve seen a ghost. What was that? What’s happened?”

“Ensign…Pavel Chekov is dead,” he whispered. “A member of my crew.”

“Oh Jim. Yes, I remember. Oh, honey. What happened?”

“He was crushed by his hover car. Fuck. Damn. It’s so unfair. He was-he was just a kid.”

She embraced him then and he felt the prick of tears. He firmly pushed them away after a moment. He had no time for that. He’d learned to be strong, both externally and internally, from her, from necessity. And he would go on, as he had.

“Okay.” He kissed her cheek. “I’m going to go get my son. With luck, I’ll have him in time for dinner.”

She smiled. “I can’t wait.” She touched his cheek. “Be careful, okay?”

“Always, Mom. Always.”


	2. Chapter 2

Jim met Carol and their son at a café just down from the Starfleet Shuttle Bay in San Francisco. It had been rebuilt, as much of the area had to be, after Khan had destroyed it all those years ago.

David was just a couple of months over three years old now, talking, sometimes even in whole sentences, and looking every inch a cross between himself and Carol.

As soon as he saw Jim, he jumped off his chair and ran for him. “Papa! Papa!”

Jim’s mood brightened instantly. “Hey there, buddy.”

“Up!”

Jim grinned and bent down to pick up his son. He gave the boy a big kiss on his cheek as David’s chubby little arms encircled his neck. He turned to Carol as he walked over to their table. “Hi Pretty Lady.”

“Charmer to the last,” she said, agreeably, leaning in to kiss his cheek. “Join us for breakfast?”

“Of course.” He set David down in his seat and then took the seat across from Carol. “You look beautiful. You’re doing well?”

“Yes, great, thank you.” She smiled at the waitress who had come to their table. “Pancakes for my son, please. And I’ll have the vegetable omelet, rye toast.”

The waitress looked to Jim, who glance at the menu quickly. “The fruit plate. And coffee.”

“Fruit plate? Is that all?”

“It’s enough,” he assured Caol. He reached into his bag and pulled out the stuffed Enterprise with really working lights and phaser sounds. He handed it to David. “Something for you to play with.”

“Yay!” David said, seizing on to it.

Carol focused on Jim. “You look really tired. Are you overdoing?”

“Of course not.”

“Of course not.” She snorted. “You’re an overachiever, Jim. You always have been. It’s one of the reasons we couldn’t work long term. You’re exactly who they have in mind when they say workaholic.”

‘Yeah, yeah.” But he smiled. Maybe he was, maybe he wasn’t. The Enterprise was his partner. The one he was meant to spend his life with. He could accept that.

“Listen, in about a month, I’ll be starting at a new research facility,” she said. “It’s only a six month assignment, but it’s on Rigel Three.”

Jim frowned. “So you and David are going?”

“Yes, exactly. The Enterprise will likely be out of range for most of that time. But I’m certain you’ll be pretty busy anyway. I just wanted you to know. There’s no need to worry either. We’re getting a lovely apartment there in a building that overlooks the golden river.”

“Is it safe?” He was already thinking about how he would need to look up Rigel 3 and read everything about it.

“Perfectly. I would never take the baby somewhere unsafe, Jim. But I need your consent.” She handed over her PADD. “If you could just put your thumbprint on that line.”

Jim sighed. “This is why you let me take him for a week. So I’d agree to let you take him off planet for six months.”

“Well, yes, of course. You would  have done the same thing if you were me.” Carol shook her head. “And you are getting to take David. I could have been difficult about this whole thing, Jim. Remember what you told me about your meld with Ambassador Spock? How the Carol from their universe kept David away from Jim there?”

Jim had never expected that he would create a David with Carol here. He hadn’t expected anything at all to be the same, so that one, vision or not, had surprised him. But she was right, she could have been difficult. She could have left the Enterprise without ever telling him a thing about David.

Jim tried to have a vision but nothing happened and he wasn’t surprised. It had never when he wanted it to.

He pressed his thumbprint down and handed it back to her.

“Thank you.”

He shrugged. “You were right.”

“I don’t mean to be a witch, but this is really important to me.”

“I know.” He smiled and took her hand. “And you aren’t.”

Carol stared at him rather wistfully. “When you look at me like that, I just, I wish…it had worked between us.”

Jim didn’t have the heart to tell her he would only ever be in love with Spock. He’d tried to love her, but it just wasn’t there.

“Me too,” he said softly, and was glad that their breakfast arrived.

****

By the time Jim made it back to Riverside, it was late. Too late for dinner and he had fed David on the shuttle anyway. David was asleep in the hover car when he drove up to the farmhouse, so Jim just hoisted him up on his shoulder and carried him into the house, where Winona waited.

“Sorry, Mom, I couldn’t keep him awake one more minute.”

“It’s okay,” she whispered back. “I’ll get to meet him in the morning. He’s so beautiful. He looks just exactly like you did at that age.”

“And there’s no part of Carol there at all,” he said with a smirk.

“Well.” She sniffed.

Jim chuckled softly. “I’m going to bring him upstairs.”

“Are you hungry? Need something to eat?”

“Yeah, I fed David on the shuttle. Let me get him settled and I’ll come back down.”

Jim went up the stairs and carried his son to his room, where he’d stay for the week. He laid him on the bed and put the covers over him, not bothering to change him into his pajamas for fear he’d wake him. He set down David’s suitcase and then stood over his son watching him sleep.

If he did one thing right, it was this boy. Not that it took anything special to have impregnated Carol. But this boy, at least he was a legacy.

He reached down and took his PADD out of David’s suitcase where he’d shoved it. He had messages from various crew members about Chekov.

Jim sighed, rubbing his eyes. He zeroed in on the one from Spock. He couldn’t help it.

_I grieve with thee._

So simple and yet, Jim’s eyes pricked with tears.

God, he missed Spock. And he didn’t even know why. Spock had been so…distant. That had been one of the other reasons he’d thought about that job on Yorktown. He’d made so many invitations to play chess with Spock, yeah, he’d seen that in Ambassador Spock’s memories too, only to have every one of them denied. Jim had finally given up.

And then Altamid happened. Another thing Jim had failed to foresee. What was the use of his sight if it didn’t happen when he needed it?

Bones said Spock and Uhura broke up just before Krall, but, they’d made up or something, because he’d seen them on Yorktown at his birthday celebration and after and they were as close as ever.

Jim set the speaker by David’s side so that if he woke up or made any noise Jim and Winona would hear him.

Then with one last fond look at his son, Jim went downstairs for some food with his mom.


	3. Chapter 3

“Papa, live with you.”

Jim had just thrown a big purple plastic lightweight ball toward David who gleefully batted at it until it tumbled to the ground. He smiled and walked over to his son, crouching down.

“Papa would love that,” Jim said carefully. “But you like living with Mama.”

“Yeah”

“So Mama would feel sad if you lived with Papa.”

David puckered his lips. “Live together.”

“Your Mama and me we care about each other so much, but we don’t live together.”

“Why not?”

Jim took David’s hand in his. “Papa is on a ship, like the one I gave you. But you know, as much as we care about each other, we both care even more about you. You’re the most important one to both of us.”

David stared at Jim, his lower lip sticking out.

“I need you to watch your Mama for me and keep her safe, okay?” Jim wasn’t even sure his son understood what he was saying.

“Okay,” David agreed, looking very solemn.

Jim decided it was time to lighten the mood. “Let’s go in and have ice cream with your grandma.”

“Yeah!”

David turned excitedly to run into the house. Jim went to stand, but was suddenly hit by a powerful wave of dizziness. His eyes blurred.

Then suddenly Spock appeared before him, leaning over someone in a biobed. Spock looked unexpectedly distraught. He turned to face someone and then the scene changed. Uhura was standing in front of Spock, angry. She raised her hand and struck Spock across the face.

“Papa! Papa!”

Jim was being shook and then he looked down into David’s pale face. His eyes were very huge.

He smiled. Or tried to. “It’s all right, David. Papa is here.”

He stood now and took David’s hand as they walked into the farmhouse together. David released Jim’s hand and ran to Jim’s mom.

“Grandma, Ice cream! Ice cream!”

Jim exchanged a look with Winona, who frowned, then grinned at the boy. “Chocolate or Strawberry?”

“Both!” David cried gleefully.

“Oh, you really are Jim’s son. Okay, some of each.”

Jim wearily sat in the nearest chair. Often visions exhausted him. This one definitely had. But he had no idea what it meant. It had looked like the medbay on the Enterprise.

“Want some coffee, Jim?” his mom asked.

“Yeah. Yeah. That sounds great. Thanks.”

She poured him the coffee and brought it to him before even dishing out ice cream for David. She looked at Jim. His mom knew about the visions. Had even witnessed him having one before. She’d once told him that there were rumors, according to Jim’s dad, that quite a while back one of gran’s family had met and mated with a seer from the planet, Nestron, a mysterious planet that even now the Federation didn’t know all there was to know. Nestron had been destroyed many years ago which was also mysterious and all that was left was a lifeless hull of a rock.

“Did you see something?” she asked softly.

“Maybe, yes, I don’t know. It was fleeting. I don’t even know what it meant.”

“Grandma, ice cream,” David yelled from by the freezer.

She stared at Jim a moment longer. “Coming.” She turned back to David with a smile.

****

That night his sleep was disturbed by dreams, nightmares really. He didn’t really remember any of them except the last one he’d had.

It woke him up around three am and there was absolutely no way he could get back to sleep. In the dream, Rigel Three was attacked by Klingons and Carol was an immediate casualty. David was left alone, crying.

Then he woke.

Beside him in his bed, David slept on, but Jim’s heart was racing.

Had it been a vision or merely a dream brought about by a little anxiety with David being taken to Rigel Three by Carol?

Jim found his PADD and sent a message to Carol.

_Hey, it’s me. Listen, are you sure you need to go to Rigel Three? I’m you a great position somewhere else. I have a bad feeling._

He hit send and in the morning she had responded.

_What? Jim, I’m going to Rigel Three. Whatever your feelings are about it, I’m sure they aren’t based on reality. David and I will be fine._

 But of course she ignored him, as he knew she would. He thought about saying he’d had a dream but so often people dismissed such things, he would have himself if the shoe was on the other foot.

She had laughed later when they’d talked in person, as she came to collect David from him. She had no reason to believe he had visions, so he didn’t really blame her. He could not hold her back from leaving.

He kept it to himself then. After he had hugged his son goodbye and Carol, too. He’d hugged her tight, unable to shake the feeling he would never see her again. And he could do nothing about it. He’d tried.

Had he tried enough? Jim just didn’t know.

When he got to Yorktown for the final week’s preparations, he was relieved to see Spock. Finally.

“Mister Spock,” Jim greeted Spock with a smile as he got off the shuttle and saw Spock waiting for him. “What a pleasant surprise.”

“Captain, I was alerted to your impending arrival.”

“Well, good. How long have you been on Yorktown?” Spock fell in step beside him as they made their way out of ship docking area and over to the lift that would take them up to the streets of Yorktown.

“I arrived last evening,” Spock replied.

“Uhura too?”

“Nyota will arrive tomorrow. She left New Vulcan early in order to see her family on Earth.”

“Ah, good. Glad she got the chance.”

They got on the lift and rode up in silence. Jim stepped out first when it stopped.

“Did you enjoy your leave, Captain?”

“Yeah, I did. Spent most of it with my mom in Riverside. Got to spend a week or so with my son. Yeah, it was good.”

“I am gratified to hear it. David is well?”

“He is, yes. He’s going with Carol to Rigel Three soon for a temporary assignment she has there,” he said, neutrally. What he’d seen in his dream was still very much on his mind, but Spock would be completely dismissive. “You and, um, Uhura, did you—?”

“Captain?”

“You know, get married, or um, what is it…?”

“Bond,” Spock supplied.

He knew that, of course. He knew that well. But he was distracted by Carol and by the whole idea of Spock and Uhura living happily ever after together.

“Right.”

“We did not,” Spock said. “We are not at that level in our relationship yet.”

Jim frowned. They’d been ‘dating’ for years. When did it get to that level? But the truth was, as weird as Jim thought Spock’s response was, he was also incredibly glad. More glad actually than he ought to feel because he had absolutely no right to feel anything.

“Oh. Okay,” he said instead.

And they made their way to the first of Jim’s many meetings he’d have to have. He got busy with planning and even some negotiations, but he still thought of Carol and David somewhere in the back of his mind. Perhaps he should try to convince Carol one more time before the Enterprise left Yorktown.


	4. Chapter 4

Jim was wrung out. They’d decided to have a memorial get-together of his senior bridge crew for Chekov once everyone had arrived back on Yorktown.

They’d gone to dinner, a place on Yorktown Chekov had loved, and more than one of them had ended with tears in their eyes.

Jim had been forced to give a speech, which had had not wanted to do, but Bones asked him if not Jim, then who? So he’d talked about Pavel and how much they’d all loved him.

And now he was just a little bit drunk and a lot sad.

Bones was over in the corner of a bar they’d gone to talking to Scotty and Keenser. They were sharing a bottle of scotch between them. Spock and Uhura were standing by the entrance or exit he supposed as he suspected they were going to leave any second. Uhura was crying and she had her arms around Spock’s neck and his arms were around her waist.

At the table with him were Sulu and his husband Ben. They’d gotten a babysitter for Demora, figuring the little girl didn’t need to experience something this depressing.

“What’s next for you, Jim?” Ben asked him.

“After this place?”

“Yeah.”

“Back to my hotel room I suppose to crash for the night.”

“No company?” Sulu wondered.

Jim shook his head. A random hook up wasn’t really something he was interested in. It wouldn’t numb the heartache. Not by a longshot. “Nah.”

“How’s your boy?”

Jim smiled at the mention of David. “Good. I miss him already. Saw him just before I got here though. He’s adorable.”

“Too bad you don’t have him with you on Yorktown. We’re taking Demora to the zoo tomorrow. It would be fun to have them both.”

“It would,” Jim agreed. “Next time maybe. And now I really am tired, so if you guys will excuse me, I’m going to head back.”

The Sulus bid him goodnight and Jim left the bar, not failing to notice that Uhura and Spock had indeed left. As he stood on the street outside the bar he almost gave into the sadness, the loneliness that threatened.

He’d vowed though he no longer would let his unrequited love make him miserable. He shook it off and headed for his hotel.

When it was in sight, he was surprised to see Spock standing by himself overlooking the big water fountain right outside the hotel. The Vulcan looked pensive and for a moment, Jim decided he wouldn’t bother him, but then his legs carried him over there, almost against his will. Constantly drawn to Spock it would seem.

“Hey, Spock.”

“Good evening, Captain.”

“Surprised to see you out here. Thought you and Uhura went back to the hotel.”

Spock’s gaze stayed on Jim’s face for mere seconds before moving away. “Nyota has returned to her room.”

Jim almost asked ‘her room?’ as he had assumed they were sharing, but really it was hardly his business. But he did say, “You didn’t want to join her?”

“Nyota and I are…experiencing difficulties in our romantic relationship.”

Jim looked at him sharply. “You are? Since when?”

Spock shrugged slightly. “Before the events of Altamid, actually.”

“I thought you reconciled.”

“We did,” Spock said softly. “But the reconciliation has not gone well.”

He turned to fully face Jim then and Jim saw a faint green handprint on Spock’s cheek. Jim frowned at a flash of the memory of Uhura slapping Spock.

“Did she slap you?”

“She is not pleased with me,” Spock admitted.

“I’m sorry, Spock. I’m not sure what to say.”

“Nyota wishes for elements in our relationship I am unable to share with her,” Spock replied, turning away once more.

“You wanted to bond and she didn’t?” Jim asked before he could stop himself. He winced. “Uh, sorry. I know it’s not—”

“It was Nyota who expressed an interest in bonding with me.” Spock’s cheeks were bright green now. “When I expressed reservations, she…she ended things between us.”

“She did? Oh, Spock. I’m sorry.”

He shook his head.

“After all this time together, I can’t believe she would end it.”

Spock exhaled slowly. “Most romantic partners hope for an advancement in their relationship. I do not fault her.”

Jim wanted to ask him why he would not bond with her. He recalled just the other day Spock saying that they weren’t at that level in their relationship and Jim had wondered when they would be. Apparently Uhura had too.

“What prompted her bringing up now?”

“She has been bringing it up for a while,” Spock replied. “But the recent death of Ensign Chekov prompted her to renew her appeals for us to either bond or wed in the Terran way. She did not appreciate my continued reluctance.”

Jim had to admit he didn’t especially get it either. “What are you holding out for, Spock? A Vulcan bonding? I mean with a Vulcan female? You were thinking of leaving to settle on New Vulcan and make babies, right?”

“I was, yes,” Spock whispered. “But no, that is not what is holding me back, as you say.”

But Spock fell silent then, clearly not intending to go on an reveal to Jim what _was_ preventing him from committing to Uhura. As far as Jim knew they’d been together for years. Since their academy days. Surely you didn’t spend that amount of time with someone unless you loved them. Fuck, Jim wouldn’t.

It occurred to him that the first part of the vision he’d had in the field back at his mom’s place had come true. He’d seen her slapping Spock. Maybe the other part where Spock was distraught over someone in the medbay would too.

Would it be Uhura? Jim hoped not. He didn’t like the idea of a member of his bridge crew so injured. But who else would Spock be so distraught over? It had to be Uhura.

“Maybe it will still work out, Spock. I bet it will. You two obviously love each other.” Jim placed his hand on Spock’s shoulder. He smiled, or did an imitation of one anyway.  “I’m so damn tired right now it’s a wonder I’m still standing. So I’m going in. Goodnight Spock.”

For longer than seemed usual, Spock simply stared at Jim, like he was looking right through him or something.

It occurred to Jim, fleetingly, that if they’d truly broken up it was possible Uhura would ask for a transfer. But then the other part of his vision wouldn’t come true. He’d never had a vision that was only partly right.

“Goodnight, Captain,” Spock finally said, rather faintly. His green color had risen up all the way to the tips of his ears and Jim almost asked if he was all right, but of course he wasn’t. Probably had a broken Vulcan heart.

He squeezed Spock’s shoulder and turned and went into the hotel.


	5. Chapter 5

Jim woke from a dream screaming himself hoarse.

“Captain.” A hand on his chest, smoothing out directly over his heart.

He blinked, unseeing for a moment and then stared wide-eyed. “Spock?”

“You were screaming,” Spock said. His hair was messed as though he too had been sleeping, until apparently disturbed by Jim. Spock wore a sleeping robe. “Are you all right?”

Jim frowned. How could Spock be there? In his hotel room on Yorktown. Spock’s room wasn’t even on the same floor.

“Jim,”

And then Spock was gone and he was alone in the room. He reached for the light next to the bed and switched it on to illuminate the room.

A vision within a vision? Except he could remember Spock in the room but not whatever he dreamed. He believed that it must have concerned Carol and his son.

He rose from bed. He would get no sleep now. His heart beat so quickly it might as well be one of those hearts beating out of a cartoon character.

Even though he only wore thin shorts and a tank top, Jim felt overheated, sweaty. He walked over to his communicator and stared at it. He shouldn’t. It was completely invasive. But how could he be alone again like this?

Shaking his head, he pressed it. Was somewhat relieved when the response came almost immediately.

“Captain?” Spock’s voice sounded soft, but not sleep-tinged.

“Uh. Sorry, Spock. Are you awake? I mean, I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“No. I just finished meditation. I am surprised that you are awake, though.”

“Can’t sleep. I was sleeping but…”

“You had a nightmare?”

“Something like that.” Jim looked toward the window of the hotel room. “I think I’m going to take a walk. I don’t suppose you’re up for joining me. Uhura—

“We have not reconciled in the last few hours since you found me, Jim. Meet me in the lobby in five minutes.”

Jim closed his eyes, feeling absurdly grateful. “Got it.”

He could have contacted Bones. Maybe he should have. But it was Spock he wanted to see then.

Even though he made it to the lobby in three minutes, Spock already waited for him, dressed in dark jeans and a charcoal sweater. Jim tried to tell himself Spock didn’t look that great in it.

“Thanks, Spock. I know this is weird even for me.”

Spock fell into step beside him as they exited the hotel. “I am aware of your sleep disturbances.”

“You probably aren’t aware of how truly fucked up I am,” Jim muttered. He gestured down a street. “This way.”

After a moment, Spock asked, “What was your nightmare about?”

Jim was still not sure about telling Spock about it. About anything really. But he was going a little crazy so he had to share some of it.

“Carol and David.”

“I surmise it is normal to dream about one’s loved ones.”

“I guess.”

Spock glanced at him. “This dream was unpleasant, though.”

“I think so, yeah.”

“You do not know?”

Jim smiled faintly and stopped at an entrance to a park. “I woke up screaming. I think that pretty much tells me all I needed to know.”

“But you do not recall details.”

“Not of this one, but others.”

“Explain.”

Jim moved closer to Spock, needing to cut some of the space between them. It was wrong, he guessed. But he was drawn like a month to a flame.

“I dream that during her upcoming assignment she’ll be killed and David will be left without his mother.”

Spock’s eyes were difficult to see in the shadows where he stood. “It is only a dream, Jim.”

“Maybe.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “Probably. That’s what Carol says.”

“You have told her?”

“Yeah. She laughs it off.” Jim turned to look away from Spock but he didn’t put distance between them. “I also dreamed of you.”

“Of me, Captain?”

“I think we were on the Enterprise. You came into my quarters because I woke from a nightmare. I don’t know though. On the new Enterprise, there’s a conference room between our quarters. How loud would I have to be for you to hear me?” Jim sighed. “God, I’m sorry, Spock. I dragged you out here for this crap. You must think, why the hell did I agree to come back out again?”

“I am not complaining,” Spock said gently.

“You should though. I almost called Bones, but I—”

“I am glad you contacted me rather than the doctor.”

Jim faced him again and even took a step closer. He shouldn’t. He was in trouble. In danger of acting in a way that probably would fuck things up between them.

“Yeah? Because…God, I don’t know.”

For a long time Spock said nothing and Jim was about to start walking again. But then Spock said, “I would prefer you speak plainly.”

“Not sure about that.”

“Jim—”

Jim bit his lip. “I have no right to ask this.”

“What?”

“You and Uhura…do you think…”

“That we will reconcile because as you said we love each other?”

Jim didn’t hold back his wince because he couldn’t. “Yeah.”

“No.”

“You think it’s really over?”

“I know it is.”

Jim swallowed. “Why?”

“Because I have developed feelings for you.”

Don’t let this be a vision. Don’t let this be a vision.

Jim grabbed Spock’s biceps. “I’m going to kiss you now.”


	6. Chapter 6

For a moment, when his lips touched Spock’s, Jim almost pulled back. Spock stood still like a statue, cold, unyielding, and Jim had decided despite what Spock had said, Jim kissing him was unwelcome. But then Spock let out the smallest of gasps before grabbing Jim’s forearms and returning the kiss with sudden startling passion.   

He slid his hand up Spock’s arm to his shoulder, opening his mouth to allow Spock’s tongue to slip inside, if Spock wanted to do so. He was a little dizzy when Spock’s tongue made contact with his, his head swam a little, he felt far too disoriented, and his stomach tightened, fearing the worst. _Please not a vision._

Footsteps nearby had Spock drawing away, pulling back, and putting at least a two person space between them.

Jim turned and watched as an ensign hurried past. He smiled, looking back at Spock. “I guess we should take this to a much more private place.”

Spock’s cheeks were flushed. He cleared his throat. “Indeed.”

“That-that is if you want to.”

“Yes.”

Jim was a little surprised when Spock placed his hand on his elbow, leading him away from the path they’d been on and back to the hotel. Even when the lift opened for them to enter, Spock did not move his hand away.

They’d gone automatically to Jim’s room and Jim waved his hand over the scanner to allow them access into the room. It was only when they were inside, and the door closed, that Spock dropped his hand from its position on Jim’s arm.

He felt suddenly nervous and uncertain and he stepped away, giving himself some distance from Spock, even as he hugged himself. His heart raced and he was just a little sweaty, though the temperature was ideal.

“So, is it true?”

“Vulcans do not lie.”

Jim shot him a look. “Yeah. Okay. But…is it true?”

For a long minute, Spock simply stared at him, those dark eyes assessing, analyzing everything so carefully. “I would not say so if it were not.”

Another form of saying, ‘Vulcans do not lie’, but yet not good enough. Jim felt far too vulnerable for such vague answers. It wasn’t easy to love Jim Kirk, he knew that better than anyone. Of course Spock hadn’t exactly said his feelings were love. That was merely Jim’s assumption.

He sucked in a breath and did not shift his gaze away. Not this time. “I have feelings for you too.”

“I had hoped that would be the case,” Spock said softly. “Which is why I admitted it outside. To admit to affection that is not returned—”

“It’s very much returned.”

Spock took two steps forward and though it meant they were closer than a moment ago, they had not yet reached each other. “You were the cause of the end of my relationship with Nyota.”

Jim frowned. “I was?”

“Because I could no longer pretend a passion for anyone but you.”

“Fuck.” He exhaled then. Even he knew that was a love confession coming from Spock even if the L word hadn’t been spoken. Maybe it never would be. Maybe it would always be _affection_ , _feelings_ , _regard_ , _passion_. Could Jim live with that?

Hell, yeah, he could.

He cut the distance between them in half again until there was only, maybe two feet between.

“Before-before we get to the point of acting on that passion—”

“Then you do feel it.”

“God, you have no idea. I’ve never wanted or needed anyone as much as I need and want you, Spock. But I’m not normal.”

“Jim—”

“I don’t mean like you think I mean. Or I don’t think so.”

“We all have differences.”

He laughed. Touched his fingertips to his head. “Yeah, but I’m about as weirded out as anyone you’ve ever met. My dreams—”

“I know that you are plagued by them.”

Jim nodded, licked his lips. “Almost constantly. Nightmares. Visions. Spock, sometimes I see things before they happen. My grandmother was like that too. Through her lineage. They were not entirely human or so the tale goes.” He swallowed. At least Spock was listening. He hadn’t changed expressions. Hadn’t offered to contact Bones. “Have you heard of Nestron?”

“A planet of some mythology said to have been inhabited by psychics.”

“Yeah. Only, I don’t think it was a myth, and I think my gran was one of them. From some prior relative of hers. And she-she passed some of that to me. And I know that sounds crazy. It doesn’t always work. But I do see things. I knew what was going to happen to Chekov before it did. I knew you were going to die trying to stop that volcanic eruption and that I had to save you. Hell, I knew that Uhura was going to slap you before she did.”

“There is no known true psychic,” Spoke said carefully.

“I know. But at one time people doubted there were telepaths, too.”

Spock moved into his space, standing directly in front of him. He wanted more than anything to drag Spock to the bed and spend the rest of the night making love. Learning everything there was to know about Spock and Spock him. But this was part of that. Part of him. And if they were going to make this work in any way, then Spock needed to know.

Spock’s hands came up to cradle Jim’s jaw. “I do not believe you are insane.”

“That’s good.”

“If you say that you have visions, that you see occurrences in dreams, then I take you at your word.”

He felt so much powerful relief that tears pricked his eyes. “Yeah?”

“Yes, Jim. There is no one that I trust more than you. I would and have followed you anywhere, everywhere. I will follow you in this also.”

Jim closed his eyes, squeezing out a tear to fall upon his cheek, which Spock wiped away with the gentlest of touches with his thumb. “You have no idea what it means to have you believe me.”

“No one does?”

Jim shook his head and opened his eyes. “Mom does. She knows. But that’s not even what I mean. I meant that _you_ believe me. I was so afraid of what you’d think of me.”

“What I think is that you are precious to me, that I cherish you.” And then he was kissing Jim again, with more fire and passion than he had even shown outside before they were interrupted. Jim kissed him back with everything he’d ever felt, ever thought, pushing years of want and need into his kisses until Spock staggered under the assault of Jim’s emotions.

They made it to the bed, removing clothing as they did so, but never breaking their kisses, never stopping to breathe but for a few seconds here and there. Then after a few necessary preparations, Jim moved within Spock, thrilled with the moans and gasps and whispers of “Jim” as he came inside Spock, Spock’s legs pushed high and wrapped around Jim’s waist, clenching Jim to him.

Later they lay on their sides, facing each other, not really talking, just stroking, and touching each other, gazes locked. This was something Jim had never had visions of. Him and Spock. Like this.

“What?” Spock asked softly.

Jim smiled. “Just…this is amazing. _You_ are.”

“And you are quite illogical.”

He chuckled. “Yeah. I can’t wait to go up into space again with you.” Then he thought about something. “Uhura? She’s not going to quit the Enterprise, is she? I mean since you two and we’ve—”

Spock shook his head. “I do not believe so. But I will talk to her if you wish.”

“Could you? I mean I know it’s selfish, but I’d like her to stay. She’s fantastic at what she does. But only if she wants to. I know things can be…weird.”

“I will speak with her. You should get some rest, ashayam.”

Spock told him what that meant as they made love and Jim was fairly sure he wouldn’t ever get tired of hearing Spock use endearments for him. And for a time, he pushed away the strange and disturbing visions. Enough to slip into an easy sleep with Spock beside him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello those that are reading this story. I have written a new chapter and so will be moving forward with the story, rather than deleting it. Thank you for all of you who commented on my Author's Note.

It felt a little strange being on the Enterprise for the second five year mission. So much had changed between the end of the last one and this one.

For Jim, they were positive changes. Those that completely altered the direction of his life. At the end of their last mission he had not imagined he would be starting this one involved in a very serious relationship with his second in command.

If he was honest with himself, he had never imagined it, because it simply could not happen. Or Jim had been firmly convinced.

He’d had no visions of a future with Spock.

He believed that the changes were positive for Spock, too. His first officer and lover advised it was so, anyway. Jim knew their relationship could only grow stronger and he believed it would lead to permanency for both of them.

Uhura had agreed to continue on the mission despite the end of her relationship with Spock and for that Jim was grateful, but he could not deny that things felt a little strange between them. Unsettled.

For now, he and Spock would continue to maintain two separate quarters, though they were next to each other. They each had their own bathroom, though, which was an improvement in the latest versions of the ships. It wasn’t that Jim minded sharing, exactly, but he had found over time and years that privacy was a treasured and rare thing that a starship captain seldom was gifted with.

There was yet another tweak to their uniform too. The collars had changed a little again, becoming loser, which was a welcome change for most of them, although the sleeves became more tailored and restrictive at the wrists. Jim found himself wearing the crisscross green shirt more than the one he’d worn in prior years.

When he stepped onto the bridge, to see someone other than Chekov in the chair next to Sulu, Jim had a moment where sorrow nearly overwhelmed him. Some went too soon, there was nothing Jim could do about that, he knew, but he had never expected one of those to be Pavel Chekov.

“Captain.” A soft word spoken at his elbow had him turning toward Spock, who stood by his side, trying not to look concerned. He’d failed in that, or at least Jim could read Spock better now than at any time in the past.

He offered Spock a reassuring smile, for he couldn’t bring himself to say the words he was all right, because, yeah, he was, but someone else sat where Chekov should have been.

Later in his quarters, he sat before his terminal. It was time to call up Carol and his son, before they got too far out of range to do so. But his vision lingered in his mind, haunting him.

“Jim!” Carol’s smiling face appeared on his screen. Her blonde hair, longer now than when they’d been together, was tied back into a ponytail and it made her look younger and more innocent than she was, than she’d ever been with Jim.

“Hi there.”

“You’re right on time, of course. Let me get David.”

“Wait. Before you do.” He leaned back in his chair.

The smile slipped from her face and was replaced by a slight bit of irritation. “Yes?”

“Rigel Three.”

Carol sighed. “Not this again.”

“I just…I have a bad feeling about all of this.”

“A bad feeling.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “My concern—”

“Jim, you aren’t going to change my mind and David is coming with me. He can’t be on the Enterprise with you.”

“I know that but—”

“Rigel Three is completely safe. You can’t possibly think I would endanger my son by taking him to an unstable planet.”

“I don’t. It’s just…I had this dream.”

“Dreams are dreams, Jim. They aren’t real.”

“Spock believes me,” Jim said, somewhat defiantly and with a note of childishness, he could agree.

This caused her to smile again. “Spock, is it? Are congratulations in order then?”

He should be happy about him and Spock. He knew that. And he was. But his focus on the dangers for Carol and David prevented that. He nodded anyway.

“Wonderful. I’ll go get David.”

She disappeared off screen and there was a beep at his door.

“Come.”

Spock stepped inside, dressed in one of his robes. Jim wasn’t sure if this one was a meditation robe or a sleeping robe. Whatever. He looked sweet and adorable. Jim figured he wouldn’t appreciate being told that though.

Spock’s gaze went to the screen. “I can come back.”

“No, no. It’s fine. Just seeing David before we’re out of range. You can stay. Go ahead and get settled.”

His first nodded and moved within Jim’s quarters over to the small alcove off the bedroom that he’d been using the last couple of nights for meditation. Spock began to set up and light his incense.

“Papa!”

Jim turned his attention back to the screen and the little boy who had appeared there, grinning a grin that was quite similar to his own.

“Hi there, buddy.”

David began to immediately start in on telling Jim all about the little stuffed bear he clutched in his hands. Jim listened as best he could, trying to ignore the vision of the Klingon attack on Rigel Three. He prayed he was wrong.

After a while, Carol appeared again, shuffling David off to bed, a soft smile on her face as she said, “We’ll be in touch as soon as we can, Jim. Don’t worry. Everything is going to be fine.”

“Carol—”

“You’re giving yourself worry lines, Captain,” she admonished. She turned to their son. “Tell your papa you love him.”

“Love you, Papa,” David said, squirming in Carol’s arms.

Jim swallowed. “I love you too, David.”

And they flashed off screen.

Jim didn’t know how long he sat there just staring at the blank screen, but it must have been a while, because he felt Spock’s hands on his shoulders, massaging there.

“You have done all that you could, Jim.”

“Have I? I’m not sure.”

“Carol is David’s legal guardian and you signed off on her taking him to Rigel Three. Your vision could be wrong.”

Jim nodded. “Perhaps.”

He’d asked his Gran once if she had ever been wrong. If one of her visions had not happened.

She’d shaken her head. “They always happen, Jimmy. Maybe not exactly the way I think I see them, but auyuh, they happen.”

Spock was staring at him intently, searching. So Jim smiled and stood up from behind his desk, drawing Spock away from work and Jim’s nightmares.


	8. Chapter 8

Jim woke in the dead of night with his heart pounding, but no memory of a vision or even an ordinary dream. Spock lay curled beside him, back to Jim. The room was dark and silent. Well, as silent as a ship ever got, which was not very.

Both of them were still naked as they hadn’t bothered to redress after earlier activities. He reached over and placed a hand on Spock’s backside, curving his fingers over the rounded buttock presenting itself for him. His own ass felt stretched out and sore from earlier, but he found he was growing aroused. Whatever had awakened him was fading now, to be replaced with lust for his first officer.

He leaned back, his arm stretching for the lubricant on the bedside table. First he slicked up his erection before returning his attentions to poke and prod at Spock’s ass, his lubed fingers teasing lightly at Spock’s entrance until the Vulcan stirred awake.

“Jim,” Spock said thickly.

“Mm. Sorry, I woke up.”

“And this will help you get back to sleep,” Spock murmured, his tone amused.

“It can’t hurt.” He leaned forward as to fingers slipped inside of Spock, placing kisses on the back of Spock’s neck. The Vulcan began to moan and pushed back into Jim’s thrusting fingers.

Soon Spock was a gasping, moaning mess begging Jim to fuck him. With a smile in his heart, Jim complied, replacing his fingers with his throbbing cock, pushing into Spock until he was balls deep.

He rode Spock for as long as they could both stand it, thrusting slow, deep and sure. When he sensed Spock was getting close, Jim increased the pace of his thrusts, his hands grasping Spock’s hipbones as he slammed home.

When Spock cried out and his semen hit the sheets beneath him, Jim thrust deep once, twice, three times, and filled Spock with his own seed.

Not long after he withdrew, Spock drifted off to sleep again, and Jim, still awake from whatever had disturbed him, rose from the bed and went into the bathroom for a shower.

After pulling on his uniform, he left the rooms, left Spock still sleeping, and roamed the corridors of his ship.  

When he exhausted that and everything seemed fine, he went to the mess room for some coffee and breakfast and was pretty surprised to find Bones already sitting at a table by himself, nursing a cup of coffee and sitting before a largely untouched plate of scrambled eggs.

“Jim,” Bones greeted him, as Jim joined him with his coffee and a waffle.

“Good morning, Bones. You’re up early.”

“Never went to bed.”

“Emergency?”

Bones nodded. “Ensigns Palmer and Lock both came down with an illness.”

Jim frowned. “What kind of illness?”

“Severe rash, vomiting, diarrhea, fever.”

“The flu?”

“Not like any flu I know of. In tests anyway, but I agree the symptoms match.”

“Why wasn’t I notified?”

“I’m notifying you now. And you were sleeping. And up until very recently I was still treating them.”

“Still in the medbay?”

“Yeah. I’m isolating them until I know what this is.”

“Bones, both Palmer and Lock were in the landing party on Maciel.”

Bones nodded, looking serious. “I know. I’ve been in contact with the government there, but so far they are denying anyone is sick with similar symptoms.” Bones tapped his fingers on the table. “How do you feel?”

“Fine. I don’t have any of those symptoms.” Jim took a sip of coffee. “Coincidence?”

“I don’t believe in those.”

Jim didn’t either, but he was trying to find a way for this not to become a disaster in his head. But he felt uneasy. Very uneasy.

“Medbay to Doctor McCoy.”

Bones got up and went to the comm on the wall. “McCoy here.”

“Doctor,” Christine Chapel said. “Uhura just came in with the same symptoms as Palmer and Lock.”

Bones exchanged a look with Jim. “On my way.”

“Fuck,” Jim whispered. “Uhura was part of that landing party too.”

“As were you. Jim—”

“I don’t feel sick.”

“Nevertheless, you’re reporting to the medbay. We have to isolate this, Jim. Before it spreads.”

He knew that. But. Fuck. “Bones, I’ve had direct bodily contact with Spock.”

“I want him to report too. Better get him.” Bones looked as tired as Jim felt. “Now, Captain.”

****

“I do not feel ill,” Spock insisted, pulling his uniform shirt over his head.

“I don’t either. But I might at any time. And since we don’t know what this is or how contagious it is, we have to be cautious, Spock. In the meantime, I’ve got Scotty manning the bridge.”

“It will be difficult to isolate everyone that Palmer, Lock, Nyota, and you came in contact with, Captain.”

“Yeah, I know. This could be really bad.”

“McCoy to Captain Kirk.”

“Kirk here.”

“Jim, Ensign Palmer has just died.” Bones’ voice was very grim. “You and Spock need to get here _now_.”

Dread pooled in his stomach. “Understood. Kirk out.”

“Nyota,” Spock said softly.

“She’ll be okay, Spock.”

Spock nodded, but he did not look convinced. And truthfully, neither was Jim.

A flash of a memory of Spock standing over a biobed, looking devastated crossed Jim’s mind. Jim hoped it wasn’t Uhura. And he also hoped it wasn’t him.


	9. Chapter 9

“I’ve done all kinds of tests, Jim.”

Jim nodded, watching Spock, covered from head to toe in protective gear, hovering over an unconscious Uhura in a biobed. The protective gear did not fit his vision, for in it, Spock just wore his regular uniform. Generally, his visions were pretty literal.

“Jim.”

He switched his gaze to Bones. “Sorry, Bones. You were saying?”

“I can’t figure out what this is, Jim. It’s got all the symptoms of ordinary flu—”

“Not that there’s anything ordinary about the flu,” Jim interjected.

“Exactly. But they test negative for that. They test negative for _everything_.”

“Ensign Palmer didn’t die from nothing.”

Bones looked harried. “ _I know_. And Lock and Uhura are both in induced comas at the moment.”

Jim and Bones wore the same protective gear Spock did. Everyone in the medbay did and presently both Lock and Uhura were behind special protective plastic. Where Jim, admittedly, probably ought to be as well. And Spock. And as soon as Spock returned from seeing Uhura, they would be.

“How do you feel?” Bones asked him for the tenth time in the last ten minutes.

“I feel great,” Jim admitted. He also felt a little guilty for it too.

“I can’t figure out why you are asymptomatic. I’m grateful for it at the moment. I mean everyone else from that landing party has already shown the symptoms at this point and you haven’t.”

“And Spock hasn’t either.” Jim allowed himself a sense of relief. If he had infected Spock, Jim would never forgive himself.

“So far no one else on the ship has shown any symptoms,” Bones commented.

“Does that mean it’s not airborne? Not directly contagious?”

“Hell if I know. At this point, I’d guess yes. But that’s all it would be. Was there any time that Palmer, Lock and Uhura were separated from you?”

“Sure,” Jim replied. “I had an hour long meeting with their governing council. They insisted on my being the only participant. No security allowed. Spock lectured me about accepting the terms, but the Federation really wants Maciel.”

“So where were they for that hour?”

“Surveying the planet. Their exact footsteps? No idea. But all three of them should have logged in reports.”

“If you remain asymptomatic, we might be able to conclude Palmer, Lock, and Uhura became contaminated during that lost hour.” Bones buried his face in his hands. “God, I don’t know.”

“We’ll look at their logs, Bones. There has to be something. We can’t let Uhura die. Spock…that can’t happen. And Lock. He’s just a baby. It’s bad enough Palmer’s gone. I went to the Academy with Lock's sister.”

Bones nodded. “I’ll get someone on those logs. _You_ stay put.”

Jim sighed and sat down in the chair he’d been given in the little alcove of the medbay he’d been sticking too mostly. He desperately hoped that whatever they were dealing with wouldn’t spread to beyond Lock and Uhura at this point.

So far, Lock and Uhura were holding their own and hadn’t become worse like Palmer had. One of Palmer’s fellow crew members had told Bones Palmer had been feeling ‘under the weather’ as it had been put, even before the mission. So it was entirely possible that had contributed to Palmer’s worse condition and eventual death.

Spock left Uhura’s enclosure a moment later and walked over to where Jim sat. Once he was inside the alcove, Jim pushed a button so that their own area was cordoned off from the rest of the medbay.   

“I’m sorry,” he told Spock.

“For what?”

Both of them removed their headgear, able to do so with it closed off from everyone else.

“Uhura. Lock. This whole thing. Maybe infecting you.”

“Jim, none of this is your doing.”

“Maybe. I don’t know. The governing council acted oddly while we were there. I just thought…that was their way.”

“A logical conclusion. It is doubtful their behavior had anything to do with it. All three of those contaminated by the illness are human. Perhaps there was something on Maciel that is particularly infectious for humans and Palmer, Lock, and Nyota came across it.”

“Yeah, maybe. I just feel like I could have done _something_ to prevent this.”

“I don’t see how. No one has ever stated that Starfleet duty was particularly safe. You followed the correct and logical course, done everything a commander could do.”

Jim smiled a little. “How do you feel?”

“I am physically well. You?”

“Same.”

“For which I am quite grateful.”

“Me too. How is she?”

“There’s been no significant change. Which is both good and bad. She has not improved, but she hasn’t gotten worse either.”

Jim closed his eyes, trying…trying.

“What are you doing?” Spock asked.

He sighed and opened his eyes. “Trying to get a vision I guess.”

“I assume that has never been successful previously.”

“No, damnit. What good is this gift, if it is a gift, if I can’t bring it up when I need it?” Jim lamented. “Why isn’t anything easy with me?”

“Life is a challenge, but perhaps that is what makes it worth it?”

He snorted. “Come on, that doesn’t sound like my logical Vulcan.”

“Perhaps not, but I am also half-human.”

For a while they sat in silence until Jim was aware that Spock was studying him quite closely.

“What?”

“Just ascertaining your mental state during this stressful time.”

Jim laughed. “That’s a long ass way of saying, ‘how are you holding up’?”

Spock nodded. “Indeed.”

“All over the place as usual. Worried about this. Worried about David and Carol, still. Worried about you.”

“I am well.”

“No, you aren’t. Do you think I don’t notice? Or that I didn’t catch you say you were physically well. I know how much you care about Uhura, Spock. I do too. If she doesn’t recover—”

“She will.”

“I know. I believe that. But…”

“But?”

“I had this vision.”

Spock went very still. “Of Nyota’s death?”

“No,” Jim said quickly. “No. Nothing like that. I just…I don’t know what it was. You were grieving by a biobed. I couldn’t see who was in the bed. And I don’t even know the exact condition of whoever was in the bed. But, I can’t deny it’s in my head and it’s bothering me.” He couldn’t meet Spock’s gaze. “I hate this. I hate seeing this stuff. If I could make it stop, I would.”

“It is a part of who you are,” Spock said softly. “And I love all of you.”

Jim swallowed, closing his eyes, his heart pounding. “I know. And I just hope you never regret it.”

“I will not.”

Jim opened his eyes and smiled.

And the alarms went off near Lock’s bed. The smile was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I borrowed a couple of lines from the TOS episode, The Apple.


	10. Chapter 10

“Ensign Lock is dead.”

No matter how many times Jim was told about the death of a crewmember, it never ever got easy.

When Uhura had told him about Krall basically denigrating Ensign Syl right in front of her on Altamid, the conversation had been unbearable for both of them. Knowing a crewmember made their death even more painful, Jim could not deny that, and though he tried to know as many of them as he could, it just wasn’t possible with over eight hundred on board.

But he’d known Lock. He’d even had a very brief dating history with Lock’s older sister. Lock was a good, earnest kid who’d been eager to learn and very excited to be part of the landing party. His only one. And now he was dead.

“I want answers,” Jim said, flatly.

“So do I,” Bones said. “Hang tight in here. I’ll come back in a few minutes. Use that replicator there and have something to eat.” He gestured to the one on the wall of the isolation unit. Bones left again, muttering to himself.

He was aware that Spock was staring at him in that intense way again. He was pretty sure he knew why, too.

“I feel fine. You?”

“I can complain of no physical ailments at this time,” replied Spock. He rose and went to the replicator. “What do you wish to eat?”

“I’m not—”

“Jim.”

Jim sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “Okay. Something simple then. Potato soup.”

“Very well.”

A moment later, Spock brought him a cup with a handle filled with smooth, potato soup, so that he could sip it. It smelled good, he’d admit that.

Spock paced in front of him, which Jim let go for the moment, sipping his soup and keeping his own thoughts to himself.

“I know you’re worried about Uhura,” he said, after a while.

“And you.”

“I feel the same anxiety with regard to you.”

Spock shook his head. “It’s unlikely that whatever condition has affected Palmer, Lock, and Nyota was passed to me. Vulcans have immunity to most human prevalent contagions.”

“But you are half human, as you pointed out, so we can’t completely rely on that.”

“Agreed. So far, however, neither one of us has shown any sign of contamination. If it is not airborne or contagious in a way that is passable by the exchange of fluids, then it must have been something all three of them came in contact with on Maciel.”

“And touched if it wasn’t airborne.”

“Affirmative.” Spock stopped pacing and took Jim’s empty soup cup away, discarding it in the receptacle. He then took his seat beside Jim again. He pursed his lips.

“What?”

“I am afraid,” Spock surprised him by admitting.

“Of what?”

“We have come so far, fought so much, to get to this point. You and me. Nyota. Leonard. I know that it is illogical to fret, but I _am_ anxious.”

“It’s normal to be so, Spock. Even for Vulcans,” Jim said with a small smile.

“And your vision.” Spock blew out a breath.

“I shouldn’t have told you about that. I didn’t mean to make things worse.”

“I ask that you never hold _anything_ back from me, Jim.”

“That’s a tall order.”

“It is not an order, merely a request.”

Jim nodded and reached for Spock’s hand. “It’s going to be hard at first, Spock. I’m used to being alone, being on my own, without answering to anyone, or anyone even wanting me to answer to them.”

“You are no longer alone, Jim. All of us, we are your family.”

He closed his eyes and nodded.

****

A few hours later, when Spock had gone out to sit with Uhura again, Bones came into his isolated area.

“You’re safe to come out now, Jim. It’s not contagious.”

“You’re sure?”

“Positive. You and Spock were not exposed. According to everything me and the medical personnel and government staff on Maciel learned, Palmer, Lock, and Uhura had a bite of a native fruit while they were exploring.”

Jim frowned. “What the hell? They know better than to eat strange, un-analyzed plants.”

Bones shrugged. “A native advised them it was safe. And it is for their species. But not humans.”

“Damn. An antidote?”

“One’s being mixed up now for Uhura. As soon as it’s ready, we’ll administer it. Right now she’s stable enough.”

“If only we’d found this all out before Palmer and Lock had to die.”

Bones looked haggard. “Yeah. I’m-I’m sorry.”

“I’m not blaming you, Bones.”

“Well. Maybe I am. Anyway, go on and get out of here. I’m sick of seeing you hang around.” Bones squeezed his shoulder and left Jim where he stood.

Jim watched as Bones spoke briefly with Spock, who nodded, and soon removed his contamination suit.

He walked over to Spock. “Good news, right?”

“Very. And Nyota has not gotten worse. They are almost done with the antidote.”

Which meant, Jim supposed, that his vision, if it came about, was not about Uhura. Not this incident anyway. And somehow that didn’t offer him a whole lot of comfort.

“I’d better go take care of notifying the families.”

“If you need assistance—”

“No. I have this. Stay with her. She’ll appreciate it.” He leaned in and kissed Spock briefly, before turning and leaving the medbay for his least favorite duty.


	11. Chapter 11

Jim had come to appreciate routine, though that had not always been the case. There had been a time where he found the months in space, with little to do or explore, tedious and boring and not worthy of him. Back then he’d considered the vice admiralty of Yorktown. He’d been young and arrogant then.

But now the quiet times, the just cruising in space, were times he treasured. It meant no one was dying, for one, and it gave him time to continue to develop relationships with his crew, with Spock. It gave him time to breathe.

The fact he had not had a vision in a while both concerned and relieved him. But he still had two visions in his mind that, so far, had not come true. The one where Spock stood over someone in the medbay and the one where Carol and David were attacked on Rigel 3.

Carol had been on Rigel 3 for a month now and so far everything had been fine. He was out of range to contact them, though, and that wore on him.

Jim understood that most did not believe in visions, Carol among them, but that didn’t stop him from being frustrated when his visions were ignored.

“You are quiet and pensive.”

Jim looked up from the book he had been pretending to read in bed to look at Spock, who stood at the foot of what had become their bed. Spock wore his meditation robes. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but from appearances, it looked like Spock had finished.

He tried a smile. “One is usually quiet when reading.”

Spock lifted a brow. “Indeed. But you are not reading that book.”

“How do you know?”

Spock stepped over to Jim’s side of the bed and picked up the book, then turned it right side up.

Jim sighed and laughed a little, picking it up again, closing it and setting it on the table next to him. “Yeah. Okay. Not reading.” He scooted over slightly and patted the spot on the bed next to him. When Spock sat, Jim took his hand in his. “I’ve been thinking.”

“Obviously.”

“No. I mean, yeah, but, I don’t really know what I mean,” Jim admitted. “My mind is kind of scattered.”

“The visions?”

“Well. I haven’t had any in a while. So that’s good, I guess. What I mean for now, though, is I’ve been thinking about you and me.”

Spock tilted his head. “You are unsatisfied?”

Jim smiled and shook his head. "Quite the opposite. I was thinking we should formalize our relationship.”

“Formalize,” Spock repeated.

“Yeah. It requires filing some reports with Starfleet, obviously. But I’ve already let them know we were involved, unofficially.” He squeezed Spock’s hand. “I’m not trying to force a bond on you or anything. I know you aren’t ready for that. I was thinking more like a Federation recognized marriage.”

For a long time Spock did not respond and Jim had begun to feel like maybe he’d gotten everything wrong and Spock wasn’t ready to commit at all to them. It wasn’t outside the realm of possibility. He’d been with Uhura for years without a more official commitment between them.

He brought Spock’s hand up to his lips and kissed it. “It’s okay, you know. If you aren’t wanting that now or ever, that’s all right with me.”

“Jim, I—”

“Do you remember when you wanted to leave the Enterprise?”

Spock frowned. “Yes. But what—”

“You wanted to leave, I wanted to leave. We were so far apart. We were barely speaking. Neither of us were happy.” He kissed Spock’s fingers. “My point is, things are so different now. I’m happy. For the first time, maybe ever. Is everything perfect? No. But the one thing I’m absolutely sure of, is that I love you. And if what we have now is all you’re ever going to want or feel comfortable with, I’m fine with that.”

Spock put his other hand against Jim’s cheek. “Ashaya, my hesitation has nothing to do with my inability to commit to us. There is no one else for me and there never will be. I would marry you five minutes from now if it could be arranged that quickly.”

Jim smiled. “Okay. Then—”

“My hesitation in answering was due to your assumption that I was not ready to establish a bond with you. I have only not broached the subject with you before because I was not certain of your mindset with regard to one.”

“Oh.” Jim felt some relief at that. “Well. I’d have some questions. Like, how will that affect my visions? Will it eliminate them? Would it cause you to have them? Things like that.”

“Valid questions, though I am not certain the Vulcan elders would have the answers. To my knowledge, no one has ever come across someone who had visions as you do that they wished to bond with.”

“Yeah, that’s probably true. But for now, how about that marriage thing?”

Spock smiled slightly. “Is that your version of a proposal, Jim?”

He laughed. “Yep. I’m a romantic to the last.”

“I definitely accept.”

Jim grabbed the lapels of Spock’s robe and kissed him hard. “Come to bed, so we can seal the deal.”

Spock stood then and dropped the robe from his shoulders, sliding into bed with Jim.

****

“Papa! Papa!”

Jim sat up, breathing heavily.

The room was dark and Spock lay sleeping beside him. David was not there.

He wiped his hand across his face. His heart still raced. He rose and went to his terminal. There was no news. No reports. But he dressed anyway and went to the bridge.

“Captain, on the bridge.”

“Status—”

“Captain.”

He turned toward Uhura, who was at her post.

“There are reports of a distress signal going out from Rigel 3, sir. They’re under attack.”


End file.
